That is true….it’s really shame but seems like we are not able to say hello to each other….It took 3 weeks, but he is back.
He is just like me, really proud…and never showing real feelings, and so never saying them…but still he called me. (Because he knew it, that even if I want I would never call him…) 
We are not stupid, both of knows that this thing not gonna have good ending….no way, it’s gonna be really painful and gonna hurt each other as much as it possible.
But still….I can say, we are really happy now…no it’s not right, happy is not the correct word for that…I would describe it more like we are so much relaxed, when I slept at “our house” both of us slept really deeply, and I can see on him it was really hard time he is smoking a lot nowadays…haha and it was hard time for me too…I lost 6 kg within 3 weeks.
Still strange, at first I felt like I’m so happy and I got some toyboy around to entertain me…but in the end I need him…I don’t know why and I don’t know why we need each other that much, both of us could find someone else within 1 second…and during this 3 week I was having fun with others…but in the end, no one is enough good…why is that? No, it’s not love, I don’t know how to love. But I’m with him for almost 4 year….sounds incredible! O_O I can lie to others…and for myself…but surely…He is just part of my life.